Cannes Begins

Prologue

The day before Cannes felt like a training montage: we checked in at the Palais, and got our badges. The Palais was where all the big events happened; screenings, press conferences, Lars Von Trier, everything. Behind the Palais was the Riviera; in addition to holding screening, this was where distribution companies set up shop, and tricked companies into buying their movies (did I say tricked? I meant sold). Behind the Riviera were Pavilions; each country at the festival had one (guess which Pavilion we hung out in). Along the main strip were hotels like the Majestic, the Gray, the Carlton, the Donte' (sorry, speaking into my future).

Our market badges allowed us into these hollowed halls, and if we sat long enough (or were drunk enough, same difference) a celebrity would come out of hiding, and ignore us. Our teachers told us to protect the market badges with our lives if necessary (I slept with mine under the pillow...no, seriously). After hanging around Cannes, I went back to JLP (Juan Les-Pines is the proper name, but college students abbreviate everything). I looked at all the movies scheduled for In Competition, Un Certain Regard, and market screenings. I looked over the train schedule, and packed the tux. Before falling asleep I took out my totem, and spun it. It toppled over, I wasn't dreaming.

Cannes: Day One

I got to Cannes around 11:00 am (or 5:00 am AT), and went into the Palais. I checked my tux, and saw my first movie upstairs. It was called Turn Me On G*d***it (got to keep it PG). It's a Norwedgian film about a horny teenage girl coming to turns with her sexuality, and over active imagination. About 9 of us saw it (the lady scanning badges looked us strange because we all gave her Peachy Dawg Production cards; like she's never seen 9 buyers from the same company). The movie was good despite it's title; it was like Judd Apatow, and Diablo Cody wrote a screenplay together. It was funny, touching, and featured a lot of nudity (which would become an ongoing theme throughout the festival). The next movie I saw was called Unwelcome. Should've known the title was a warning; it was horrible, and that's the nicest thing I can say about it. This movie also had a lot of sex (I think there's a quota of T&A each movie has to meet to be screened). I tried to see Attack The Block, but thanks to Murphy it was a no-go. Didn't have time to dwell on that, I had to get ready for the 19:15 (7:15 pm AT) premiere of Midnight in Paris; the new Woody Allen movie opening the festival. It was tuxedo time!

It wasn't as exciting as the exclamation point suggests. I just wanted to get in for the experience; it wasn't fun. I got dressed in a bathroom stall so small even Superman would've had trouble changing, and he had a phone booth. After changing, I made a sign to beg for tickets (I failed to mention that changing into a tuxedo in a smelly bathroom was no guarantee I would see the movie. Murphy-2, Donte'-0).

I stood outside in my tux sweating, and begging (I was the best looking hobo France had ever seen). On top of that, my bow tie was falling apart, and I kept adjusting it. By 7, it tore apart. I picked it up (and my pride), and went back to Juan defeated, and a little smelly (Murphy was winning). As a consolation prize my photo was taken (so when I become famous this photo will resurface just to spite me). I got back to the room, poured some orange juice (still in my tux), and slipped it slow (my dream since that morning). I knew things would get better (it wasn't like I could go home). I pulled out my totem, and spun it; it kept spinning. I was getting worried, but it wobbled a little. Then--