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That is a long title but it is true. Like any addict there comes a point where one must admit their addiction, acknowledge it's existence then ignore it and go back to doing it until you get caught in the car with a hooker. Then it is only a matter of time before Jesus, Allah or the God of your choice is found. Well, that is my random rant of the day! Any who, it is very easy to hate on Brett Farve. The amount of sportscasters who have man crushes on Brett Farve is about the equivalent of baby mama's Lil Wayne has (he is at four baby mama's and counting. We all laughed when he said that he wanted to screw every girl in the world but little did we know he was very serious.) In many people eyes Brett Farve can do no wrong. He can throw interceptions that end his teams season and still get away unscathed. He could get on the stage of Saturday Night Live and rip up a picture of the pope and many people would say, "That is Farve being Farve, look at the technique he used to rip up that picture". Because of this and his back and forth about retiring, Brett Farve was my go to guy to hate on in sports (it use to be this guy but the poor kid has been through alot).
It became so easy to hate on Brett Farve that I ignorned the fact that he is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. This season he threw 33 touchdowns and only 7 interceptions. While he holds the record for most interceptions thrown in NFL history, he also has records for most touchdown passes, consecutive starts, passing yards and butt slaps (can NFL players file sexual harassment charges against teammates or can Brett Farve get away with that too?) He also won a Superbowl with a guy who could pass as a walrus ( if you think not look at the before and after. Along with this guy and this guy the walrus look is definitely in this season). The point is that Brett Farve has done alot. He is a great quarterback and he had the best comeback this side of Mickey Rourke (Old guys seem to be another must have item this year). Nobody has made this much fuss over a forty year old man since they found out this guy was a virgin.
After realizing that Brett Farve has given hope to broken down, over the hill athletes everywhere (and seeing how one day I will be one of these broken down, over the hill athletes) I have come to begrudgingly like Brett Farve and admire what he has done. Whether he decides to retire, then unretire, then retire again but not before he unretires from his official retirement Brett Farve should earn our respect if for no other reason that if we (the fans) choose not to acknowledge him we will look like a fool with our pants on the ground. So, Brett, if your are reading this (I could always use your support) you have become my favorite gunslinger because unlike John Wayne, you actually like black people.
(Next time on This is True, an athlete will make a complete ass out of themself and Donte's ghostwriter will consult them on their image makeover.)
Wow, I almost died trying to write this post but I did not, hooray me! I was thinking about addressing all the college coaches getting fired for hitting their players but I was afraid Mark Mangino would make me crawl over a hot football field on my knees( he has a HUGE temper, he cannot even enjoy his son's high football game). Because I value my life I will instead talk about Pete Carroll's decision to leave greatness at USC for mediocrity in the NFL.
When I first heard about Pete Carroll going to the Seattle Seahawks, two things came to mind. 1) Why go to Seattle? (This team has had bad luck with injuries, I really believe that Jim Mora spit on a Bible and God is having his revenge). 2) Why leave USC? I do not understand why a guy who has won two national championships, resurrected a prominent program and has Snoop Dogg's cell phone number would want to leave. He has his pick of what players he wants on his team. If I was a player I would not mind seriously injuring (but not killing!) another player just to be the fifty third man on the roster. I would do things that I will regret later in life to be on his team. I mean nasty, naughty, deranged things(not the run-in-the-mill I was so drunk things, things I cannot take back). Pete was good to his players; do you need a house? Pete Carroll got you (exhibit A). Who does not want to play for a coach like that?
Pete Carroll decides to leave sunny California for rainy Seattle? There is a reason why grunge rock is slit my wrist depressing. Starbucks coffee originated out of this area because people had to have a reason to leave their homes. Add these factors on to the aforementioned blasphemy and the fact that he went 33-31 as a head coach in the NFL and it has become clear that Pete Carroll loves misery. That is the only explanation!
To try and get into Pete Carroll's frame of mind I turned to a show that we could all take life lessons from, the Simpsons! In episode number 294 (yes, I did come up with that off the top of my head, there was a lot of math involved.) Lisa gets promoted to the third grade. Lisa is scary smart and was the boss of her second grade class. When she got promoted, however, she struggled mightly. Needless to say she decided to be the "big fish in a little pond" at the end of the episode or in other words she decided to go back to the second grade. So why have I just questioned Pete Carroll's manhood and compare him to Lisa Simpson? Other than the fact that they are both yellow, they both excelled at a certain level. Now he is leaving a level that he is a proven success at for a place that he has proven he cannot win at. He is like the David Caruso of coaches (we love him on CSI: Miami and NYPD Blues but nobody wants to see Kiss of Death or Jade, if I lost you then my point is proven).
In conclusion, Pete Carroll is insane. Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Pete Carroll went from coaching grown men to spoiled brats and now it is back to grown men. It is very rare that someone gets better at something by going down in difficulty. Carroll is no better at coaching NFL players than GOB Bluth is at doing magic tricks. Pete Carroll is leaving USC and he is getting replaced by a man more hated than Ben Affleck (He Who Must Not Be Named). Pete, if you are reading this (which I hope, I could always use your support) remember that the sequel is never better than the original and in your case if the original was craptastic, the sequel could only be the equivalent of Batman and Robin with the rubber nipples.
Hey everybody! My name is Donte' Slocum. I had an epiphany the other day; I do not have a blog! In the world that we live in today everybody has to make their opinion known (or at least believe that everybody should know what they think on a day to day basis). Well, I am almost not that conceited, but feel like I am missing out on this blogging thing so I have decided to give it a try. Before I get into what my blog will be about, I guess this is the part where I talk about myself. I am 21 years old and I attend the University of Georgia. I am from Atlanta, GA. My mom and dad are still married and I am the oldest of three children. I have two younger sisters. Well, glad I got that short intro out of the way. I will make frequent mention about my school, family and other personal quirks (there are a lot of them) when it seems relevant to the subject at hand.
Now, to answer the burning question that the two or three people who are reading want to know; what will Donte' blog about? Well, here are some clues: If you have not noticed already, I am a guy and what is something that most can do all day and not get tried of? It begins with an S. It is something stimulating, it can get exhausting but at the end there is a great payoff if it is done correctly. Yes, that is it....sports! Now before assumptions can be made about how I am a typical man, it took awhile before I started watching sports regularly. I have always played sports but it was not until I was 14 that I started to watch, care and pay attention to sports. My guy gene has taken awhile to emerge (and in many ways I am still waiting) but now my television stays on ESPN. I will watch other shows such as Burn Notice or House but sports is something that interest me. I cannot really get into reality television (except for Making the Band, I use to watch it when the Da Band walked to get Diddy cheesecake), the news is as fun to watching as Mark Wahlberg acting in The Happening (his...breathy...voice...was...annoying) and lets face it: video games are not what they use to be (when society has to turn to a videogame console to get back in shape, we have failed as a society). Sports is the one thing that can bring this world together (ex: Olympics) if only for only a short amount of time. Sports can also cause a grown man to cry multiple times a year, just ask the poor fans of the Los Angeles Clippers or a fan of any team in Cleveland.
Well, it feels good to blog! I should do this more often and I will! These are the basic rules of thumb or, for the religious people in the audience, my Ten Commandments. Because I do not want God to get mad at me I will not use thous or thys and for the adultors I will not say anything about coveting your neighbors wife (cause we have all been there).
My Ten Commandments:
1. I will update this blog every week (or die trying!).
2. I will make reference to Arrested Development whenever possible (best...show...ever).
3. I will try to be rational whenever I talk about the Falcons (huge Falcon fan).
4. I will tell my readers about movies they should see (my passion for sports is only exceeded by my love for movies).
5. I will not make fun of Tiger Woods (the kid has been through a lot).
6. I will not be the angry black guy (this is very important, I want more readers).
7. I will try to bring a unique point of view to the table (or as original as my ghostwriter can make it).
8. I will continue to this blog after it goes out of style (which may happen in the next three minutes).
9. I will make my mother proud (and she is very hard to please, she is expecting half of my salary one day and I AM NOT KIDDING).
10. Finally, I hope that if I can bring a little food for thought to any of my readers I have done my job.
Well, those are my ten commandments and I will live by them. While since I do not have a clever catchphrase yet I will just say have a good week and I will post something next week or die trying!
