Pete Carroll vs. the NFL II

Wow, I almost died trying to write this post but I did not, hooray me! I was thinking about addressing all the college coaches getting fired for hitting their players but I was afraid Mark Mangino would make me crawl over a hot football field on my knees( he has a HUGE temper, he cannot even enjoy his son's high football game). Because I value my life I will instead talk about Pete Carroll's decision to leave greatness at USC for mediocrity in the NFL.

When I first heard about Pete Carroll going to the Seattle Seahawks, two things came to mind. 1) Why go to Seattle? (This team has had bad luck with injuries, I really believe that Jim Mora spit on a Bible and God is having his revenge). 2) Why leave USC? I do not understand why a guy who has won two national championships, resurrected a prominent program and has Snoop Dogg's cell phone number would want to leave. He has his pick of what players he wants on his team. If I was a player I would not mind seriously injuring (but not killing!) another player just to be the fifty third man on the roster. I would do things that I will regret later in life to be on his team. I mean nasty, naughty, deranged things(not the run-in-the-mill I was so drunk things, things I cannot take back). Pete was good to his players; do you need a house? Pete Carroll got you (exhibit A). Who does not want to play for a coach like that?

Pete Carroll decides to leave sunny California for rainy Seattle? There is a reason why grunge rock is slit my wrist depressing. Starbucks coffee originated out of this area because people had to have a reason to leave their homes. Add these factors on to the aforementioned blasphemy and the fact that he went 33-31 as a head coach in the NFL and it has become clear that Pete Carroll loves misery. That is the only explanation!

To try and get into Pete Carroll's frame of mind I turned to a show that we could all take life lessons from, the Simpsons! In episode number 294 (yes, I did come up with that off the top of my head, there was a lot of math involved.) Lisa gets promoted to the third grade. Lisa is scary smart and was the boss of her second grade class. When she got promoted, however, she struggled mightly. Needless to say she decided to be the "big fish in a little pond" at the end of the episode or in other words she decided to go back to the second grade. So why have I just questioned Pete Carroll's manhood and compare him to Lisa Simpson? Other than the fact that they are both yellow, they both excelled at a certain level. Now he is leaving a level that he is a proven success at for a place that he has proven he cannot win at. He is like the David Caruso of coaches (we love him on CSI: Miami and NYPD Blues but nobody wants to see Kiss of Death or Jade, if I lost you then my point is proven).

In conclusion, Pete Carroll is insane. Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Pete Carroll went from coaching grown men to spoiled brats and now it is back to grown men. It is very rare that someone gets better at something by going down in difficulty. Carroll is no better at coaching NFL players than GOB Bluth is at doing magic tricks. Pete Carroll is leaving USC and he is getting replaced by a man more hated than Ben Affleck (He Who Must Not Be Named). Pete, if you are reading this (which I hope, I could always use your support) remember that the sequel is never better than the original and in your case if the original was craptastic, the sequel could only be the equivalent of Batman and Robin with the rubber nipples.