I was going to call this post "When the Ain'ts Come Marching In," but because it was not original, clever, or funny--and it would showcase my Atlanta Falcons bias--I decided to leave this post untitled (though technically it is a title). Any who, how about that game? I guess that is why they call it the Superbowl. Actually, there was nothing really super about it. The commercials were about as entertaining as an episode of According to Jim, and the game itself was not like last year's slugfest. At the end of the day the audience had two choices: either the sports broadcasters would dump Brett Farve and slurp Peyton Manning more (and better) than any quarterback ever before or we would hear about how the Saints victory made the blind see, pigs fly and Lindsay Lohan relevant again (the first two happened but there has been no sign of the corpse formerly known as Lindsay Lohan). While what the Saints have done is amazing, I will leave it at that. Lord knows that for the next week we will bombarded by images of Drew Brees and his son, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian (I would not object to seeing Kim however) and countless unfunny Mardi Gras jokes.
I reluctantly "cheered" for the Saints on Sunday. To tell the truth, I was pretty indifferent. I was hoping that the commercials would at least be entertaining, but they were a bigger buzz kill than Buzz Killington (and highly disturbing). Then at halftime we were subjected to the NFL's continued crusade to ban boobs from football by having The Who perform. Their performance must have been a tribute to their longevity. If that performance lasted for more than four hours I would have called a doctor. For what was supposed to be the premier sports event of the year, it was sorely lacking. I wanted more: where was the spectacle, the magic, the streaking?! For something that was supposed to be the Superbowl, it was anything but super. While episode number 343 of the Simpsons taught us that choreographing the Superbowl halftime show is not easy, it should at least be entertaining. Even if it were a spectacular failure, it still be worth seeing. That is why I can respect a man like GOB Bluth. Sure he is a butthole, nobody respects him, and his family does not like him (wait, what was my point?...oh yeah), but at least when he fails at his magic tricks, he does it with flair.
So, Roger Goodell (NFL commissioner), if you are reading (and I know you are), remember: people watch the NFL because big muscular men in tights and shoulderpads fly into each other at high speeds. There is a reason why many NFL players have to be taken care of for the rest of their lives after they retire: their bodies are a down payment for the glory they hope to own. With that said, football can still be entertaining! Let Chad Ochentacinco have James Cameron choreograph (choreograph is the word of the day!) his next touchdown celebration (in 3-D!), let boobies back into the halftime show. Heck, allow Adam "Pacman" Jones to make it rain before the start of every fourth quarter. Put the "Super" back in the Superbowl! Look at New Orleans: their team has just won the Superbowl and Mardi Gras is coming up. By the time February ends there will not be a New Orleans (Katrina has got nothing on that, wait...too soon?). Do you think that a little thing called destruction will stand in their way? They will build the city back up and continue to party! The No Fun League can learn from New Orleans' determination to get wasted by any means necessary!
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